You can do it.…but can you be bothered?

"You can do It.…but can you be bothered?" Race Director Terry Davis at the 2018 Northburn 100 briefing.

I sat in the back seat of the 4x4 with two volunteers who were just finishing their 24 hour shift at the infamous TW aid station, feeling a mix of relief, frustration, guilt and excitement about seeing my family back in ‘civilisation’.

Northburn 100 had consumed my life for the past 6 months and prior to the race I had been sure that I would only DNF if for very good reason. And to cut a long story short, I had made a number of mistakes prior to and during the event – namely thinking of it as a ‘run’, as opposed to hill walking during training; not setting off with poles; and despite having all of the compulsory gear still being freezing cold up in the mountains. The combination of these factors ultimately led to me calling it a day at 112k.

That was 2017 and after a couple of months giving myself a hard time about it (yes it did go on that long), I decided I would learn from the experience and register for attempt number 2...much to my wife Jess’s disbelief (I did say never again but like many runners, have a worryingly short memory).

Training for 2018 therefore consisted of as many hill repeats as my mind could possibly manage in the comparatively flat, rolling hills of Puhoi. I had overdone it in the weeks leading up to the ‘race’ with entries into Tarawera, Shotover Moonlight Marathon and Riverhead Rampage, as I’d had a bit of an ‘event bug’. However, come March 18th, I was feeling rested and full of beans.

Unlike last year, I got a decent night’s sleep prior to race day and was feeling excited as opposed to anxious on race morning. Despite the multiple complexities involved in running such a distance, I had two major rules to try to abide by…rule1: keep the fuel going in - if I stop eating then it’s game over; and rule 2: don’t quit in the dark (thank you Lisa Tamati for that one). I had bought a much warmer coat and hat and was aware of not letting myself get cold before putting them on.

Off on the first 5k, the first challenge for me was slowing my pace down to a level that was even slower than I thought I should be going.

Before long we were on the first climb of the fence line track, steep but not as bad as I remembered.

We were met with a maze of ‘prickly Spaniard’s’ to try and dodge, which really were as sharp as described! The course becomes a mix of native scrub, Spaniards and rock, and was quite rough underfoot. With the temperature dropping quickly it was time to get the buff and gloves out to keep warm.  

A maze of 'Prickly Spaniards’

Traversing barren plains and hugging a rocky ridge line, this part of the course has a strange isolated beauty about it. I was feeling good, loving it, even stopping to take pictures and trying to take it all in.

I don’t use a GPS watch and have always avoided being too distracted by my watch so times are vague, but I think I reached the top in 4 hours flat.

From there it was a very enjoyable, if not long, descent on soft bouncy trail.  Hugging the stream, I made sure I stopped to drink directly from it many times; the water is as pure as you will ever taste.  Around 40k done and I loved every minute.

The ‘Loop of Deception’ is just that - you can literally see the base before heading out 10k in the opposite direction with what I found was the first small taste of displeasure.  The midday heat was upon us and the landscape had become dry rough 4x4 tracks, with a couple of decent climbs. A very enjoyable first loop done in 7h12m.  Feeling good and greeted by Jess and my 2 boys. If this had been a 50k race I would have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Soup, spuds, Tuna and cheese wrap and out the gate again within about 20 mins, being very aware of not to take on too many calories, as last year I had done just that and vomited as soon as I got out of the tent.

Loop 2, straight into the ‘Death climb’. The temperature was now full on, but with a very welcome cool breeze, time to settle into a rhythm and keep the pace reasonable.

I’ve struggled with hill walking and often get overtaken by many on such sections, but was pleased with my pace and was aware I needed to keep to my own race. Time for some music... it’s going to be a long climb. The first couple of hours of the climb I found enjoyable but nearing the top you are met with multiple false tops.  This is where Northburn starts to play with your head as there’s always another hill/ridge to climb - whenever you think you are nearly there, multiply it by at least 5.  The trail continues in very much the same vein dropping into a gully briefly before climbing back out the other side.

In training I hadn’t had more than a couple of experiences with Tailwind, but they generally went well and I felt it added something to my nutrition. However, I knew that this alone would not be enough for me, and despite best efforts I probably got the dilution of it somewhat too strong as I was craving plain water and was feeling nauseous. Not having bottle holders in the front of my pack and only a bladder was not ideal, so the best I could do was water it down as much as possible at any water station.

I eventually reached the imposing Leaning Rock and shortly afterwards, TW for the first time. I was now 65k in, feeling pretty good and taking on more proper food - Coke and the best condensed milk slice ever! I was looking forward to some downhill as this is generally one of my stronger areas.

Unfortunately, that is where my problems started; as once I started running downhill my outer left knee was in quite severe pain which radiated down the outer shin area. Fuelled by a good dose of sugar and Metallica screaming in my ears (never a more appropriate moment that listening to ‘My Friend of Misery’), I tried my best to ignore the pain and made up 5-6 places in the next 10k or so (“Kirk, it’s not a race, why are you trying to pass people?!”).

The sun was starting to descend as I climbed the 600m or so back up to Mt Horn, and with more power bars and a glass of coke on board I was feeling ok. From here there is a very steep winding descent back towards Cromwell and I was starting to feel the knee pain and gritting my teeth...more paracetamol.  

For first timers it is very easy to make the mistake at this point of thinking ‘only 20k’ back to base but the reality of how long this takes for most is quite different. Distances really are irrelevant at Northburn.

The Pylon track winds its way in and out of gullies for far longer than you imagine it should take to run the length of Cromwell, which can be enjoyed directly in sight to the left, but it was now dark, getting colder, and with every step I took I winced in pain from my injury.

Keeping warm on the mountain top

Now if it was any other race or training run I would have been considering stopping due to my injury, but there was no way that was going to happen today; stupid, stubborn or determined, you decide.  Eventually making it back to base in 17h 8m, around 2 hours quicker than at the same point the year prior, I was met by Terry at base looking quite perky and saying to me ‘you CAN do it…but can you be bothered?’.

For many this moment is the tester, call it a day at 100k having put in a huge effort and go home to a warm bath, beer and bed.  I could see a couple of guys doing exactly that, but I was aware of not letting my thoughts entertain such options so it was more soup, wrap, 2 bottles of coke and my goose down jacket and hat on.

Out of base again in 20 minutes with Terry saying “see you in 13-14 hours”, which actually got my spirits up as I was personally thinking 16+.

Loop 3. Not that the first 100k is easy in any way, shape or form, but this is where the course really tested me to the limits. I was joined by a nice chap called Guy for the next few hours, which I welcomed as for most of the race so far, I’d been on my own. The pace was slow and conversation limited due to tiredness but taking turns in leading and keeping a decent pace helped both of us I think - it certainly helped me anyway.

The incline was much steeper than I recalled and I was struggling to keep my eyes open but found my knee pain was much better on the incline and I actually looked forward to the ups! (there’s a first time for everything!)

I was starting to bend forward in exhaustion when walking but knew this was not sustainable, so did my best to stay up straight. After a couple of hours climbing we descended into what I will now always refer to as S**t Gully (basically an unmarked very steep gully full of prickly Spaniards) and was pleased that this part of the course was marked well this year, as last year I’d gone up and down it 3 times before calling Terry to say I couldn’t find my way out.

Eventually, after around 4hours of pretty constant climbing, we got back to Mt Horn. Here I made the mistake of asking the volunteer how far to TW and suggesting around 5K? His answer that he thought it was more like 7k plunged my mood at the worst possible time, so it was to my overwhelming joy that the beaming yellow tent of TW appeared to come out of nowhere in a much shorter distance, more likely 3-4k.  In more appropriate circumstances I would have ran the 3k back and told him what I thought of his self-amusing joke (he was at Mt. Horn last year so I’m sure he knew exactly how far it was).

Guy was quick to eat and carry on, and that was the last time I would see him until the end.

I chatted with a couple from Australia in the TW tent who were calling it a (very long) day due to the cold.  This reminded me of myself 12 months prior and motivated me more; besides, it was colder sitting in the tent than moving slowly on the course and after 10minutes I knew that I had to get out of there quick.

Only 50k to go right? as my favourite ‘Poet’ (Mike Skinner, The Streets) quoted “At the end of the Tunnel there is always light…it just might be a train”.  In my case it was a big fat freight train named ‘the Loop of Despair’ 

I set off on the dreaded loop at 4am, 22 hours after starting the event. Now whoever thought of this name was bang on - in my case it was a deep, deep despair. I went from not feeling too bad at TW to hating the course, Terry & Tom, and questioning what the hell I was doing.  The descent felt like it went on forever. I could see runners far below and hoped that was the bottom of the loop, but unfortunately when I reached that point they had dropped much further down the mountain. This happened more times than I care to remember.  I couldn’t wait to get back to TW, feeling miserable and in pain. It was only 2 weeks later I realised this section was one I’d already flown down at a much quicker pace some 12 hours earlier - how the dark and tiredness change perception!

At the bottom of the loop at 5am, and for about the 3rd time that day in various places on the mountains, I saw Northburn owner Tom “just popping to get some water from a creek”. It made me realise how much hard work these guys put in on race day - he was literally everywhere. I smiled politely and failed to let him hear exactly what I thought about this loop.

My thoughts were now very negative.  My knee pain was near unbearable with every step.  I even had considerations of getting to TW and throwing in the towel. Back at TW in just over 3hours. DON’T QUIT IN THE DARK I kept telling myself.

I texted Jess and told her I was struggling.  Her reply of ‘well unless there is a medical reason I’m not coming to pick you up until you cross the line’ might sound unsupportive, and Jess certainly doesn’t find saying such things easy, but this was exactly what I needed (and had asked her to say in advance had I started to crumble).  My emotions turned from negative to positive so instantly it was unbelievable.  Northburn is a long time to be on your own with your own thoughts and something so simple can have such a positive effect.  The sun was now coming up slowly and things started to change. My mood lifted and at that point I knew I was going to finish no matter what.

Out to Leaning Rock, again, and down ‘The Water Race’. Contrary to the reports of many others, and likely a result of the sun now being in the sky again, I quite enjoyed this section...well, sort of! VERY rough VERY steep and unmarked ‘trail’, sharp plants, slips with ropes to hang on to.  It felt like a real adventure and whilst my knee hated it I didn’t care how much it hurt, I felt a born-again kind of energy (I’m sure that’s not what I was saying at the time) 

At times, and not surprisingly, I still found myself cursing the person who put the ‘trail’ through here. My emotions were all over the place due to sleep deprivation and exhaustion; I even remember my eyes welling up whilst listening to Guns and Roses ‘Civil War’ on the way back up and out of the water race.

I would not have wanted to do that loop in the dark for sure; it is seriously rough and technical at times. More paracetamol.

Now the long down, up and home.  Approx. 30k to go, and in true Northburn style, all of the downs include ups. The temperature was rising quickly and I desperately wanted to get it over and done with and see my family at the end. I knew there was one more climb, another 600meters, but was not ready for the multiple ‘false tops’ of the climb and felt frustrated…why was I still being surprised by this course??

I was torn between thinking I could just walk the reminder slowly and knowing that walking the remainder would add many hours on to the total time out there. My plan from there consisted of walking ups and perfecting my unusual limping/stumbling run that made me wince with each step but got me to the finish just that bit quicker (the finish time was irrelevant to me but I was truly sick of being out there by now) 

The sun was now beaming down and felt piping hot. The last 5-6k seemed long, slow and painful and I was more than overdue a welcome from Jess and my boys at the finish, in an indescribably painful time of 32h 49mins. Now I should mention that my boys are 7months and 2 years, so even Nelson, my 2-year old’s, understanding of what I had just done was very poor at best.  He would immediately wanted ‘chasing’ around the Northburn tent and who would blame him - I hadn’t seen him for 2 days!

The serenity, isolation and beauty up in the mountains is so good for the soul (although I’m sure Northburn extracted part of that from me), but life on the ground goes on and this time it was nice to be back in reality - I had been on a psychological roller coaster.  I’m sure that everything else I am faced with in life after this weekend will seem just that bit easier.

The meaning of ‘you CAN do it, but can you be BOTHERED doing it’ only now made sense to me.

I would really encourage people to give Northburn - any of the distances  - a go; it really is a great event and doesn’t get anywhere near as many entries as it should, especially at the shorter distances. The atmosphere, the organisers and the amazing volunteers (some of who appear to sit up in the mountains all weekend!) are the heart of this event, and make it feel very much like a family affair; one that can only be fully appreciated by taking part. They even accommodate the kids with a 2k run, so maybe next year Nelson??

I will be back at Northburn, I love this event! It really gets under your skin, but at this stage I’m not sure what distance it will be next time. As I mentioned earlier, my memory is poor... But for now, I’m going to enjoy spending weekend mornings having breakfast with the family and enjoying a long rest period. This event would not have been possible without the support and flexibility of my lovely wife Jess.